LONG!! My son has ADHD and is using it to his advantage!?

My son is 8 almost 9, he was diagnosed in November. He has become rotten, and is seriously driving our family nuts. I don't know what to do anymore. I hate to say these things about my son, but it is true. He's defiant, rude, obnoxious, disrespectful, down right mean to his baby brother and so on. He refuses to tell the truth about anything anymore. His doctor has said that if he doesn't change the behavior, she is going to recommend him being placed in a foster home to show him it's not fun to be away from parents..I DO NOT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO MY CHILD!! The way he acts in school and in public are so horrible. He's been kicked off the bus and out of school numerous times, and we've punished him everytime with grounding, taking something awy, so on... We have tried reward charts, chore charts, groundings, time-outs, early bedtimes, no friends over, taking away trick or treating, behavior modification, therapists and so on. We've just walked away from him in public when he starts...(we don't go out of sight) he will grab stuff off the shelf and throw it, and when you turn around to say something to him, he hunches down and covers up his face and acts like he gets abused!!! I swear, I am losing my mind over this. PLEASE BE AWARE: HE DIDN'T ACT LIKE THIS UNTIL AFTER HE WAS DIAGNOSED!!! Before the diagnosis, he was a normal get in trouble once in a while kid, who was glad to help, and happy go lucky. Does anyone have ANY helpful ideas to help me and my family out? I am scared to death he is going to be taken away because of his behavior, and there wont' be anything I can do about it. We have tried telling him how foster care works, how juvenile homes are (hubby works in law enforcement), UGH, I just dont know. Please help if you can. Thank you for reading this. I am sorry it's so long.

I have tried spankings as well, which haven't done much except make him punish me and his dad for about 3 days, by being even more rude and disrespectful. He was on Focalin XR, 5mg, it did nothing, the doctor said to double it, so we did, and it too did nothing. We took him off of that med, and have tried to get a different med for him, but the doctor keeps recommending a med that has been blacklisted and my husband and I will not put our son on those. We have asked for different tests to be done, but it just seems like we are hitting walls every way we turn. He hasn't been evaluated at school, but I took the paperwork from the therapist to them, and they haven't done anything (to my knowledge) to help him. I think I would know that. I am going to check into the program below and see where I can go from there. School is just about over here, so they probably wont help until after next year starts. Thanks so much everyone, it means alot to me!!

First question to you: Was he not diagnossed until he went to school? You first must remind yourself that you are his boss! I know, I am a mom to a very bright, witty, funny, friendly, and vivacious 9 year old boy with ADHD. I have had to retrian myself to re-train him. You need to invest in the book "Good Behavior Made Easy" here is a link to the book
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Behavior-Made...
THIS WILL SAVE YORU RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM AND THE SCHOOL! It did for me, Though the more I actually took this book serious, the more I realized how poorly trained the school system really was and how many kids get mislabeled and/or over labeled. Your kid sounds like there is a lot going on so sit him down and ask him what is up with him. Take his serious and really listen to him, take what he says with a grain of salt but let him know you care and he can trust you!. ALSO CURB THE VIDEO GAMES! I have learned this from experience. Be proactive with him but be firm also!
Forget the meds right now, this need not be the focus of his cure. They dowork, I know this from my own son's experince. BUT they do not solve the behaviors in and of them self. Does Midol solve our PMS OR MENSTRAL ISSUES? The Medicine is merely a reinforcment for you. He takes THE meds, he settles down YOU learn to give him more meds to get the behavior YOU want out of HIM. tHEREFORE THE MEDICINE REINFORCES A DESIRED CONSEQUENCE FOR YOU, NOT HIM. NEXT: Check to see if your State has IBI services or psyo-social rehab workers. Better yet read Nanny 911 books they work too! IALSO ADVICE YOU to forget what the "experts" and the teachers tell you what to do. Most often the advice is geared toward helping the adult's life to be easier, not the kids. They will tell you to medicate and get him therapy, that teh issues are all his and that he needs to be held 100% accountabel, no one else is really at fault, especially the school! They will not reccomend any thing that has long term positive effects for your child. They will only focus on the short term; what will get little Jonny through the day so as not to disrupt the teahcer's day. . . Lastly, YOU know your kid better then anyone, you are the expert on him and you need to start thinking of yourself as the expert! You know more than you realize. Just read the book Good Behavior made easy1 TRUST ME ON THIS! I am there with you as of now! I say this because our kids are the same age and have the same issues. I just decided to stop being an expert worshiper and become a self taught and redirected expert on my child. it has worked.

If you can, join a ADHD support group to get feed back from parents who are going though the same thing that you are going through with your child.

Hello, I am 53 yrs old and all my family and I are ADHD, firth I what to ask you one question , you child have a IEP in school??? if the answer is yes, thent you will ask to the shool for independient opinion from a Neuropsicologist,that have to be pay by the shool district, theare is a law call IDEA, go to the web of you departament of education, Espacial Education, there is that law, or internet search for Especial Education IDEA law!!! you chaild firth have to be recognized as leraning disable child, that is his civil right, nobody can take you child from you, were you located, there you also can have advocate help.you can contact me at mhlifesuccess@yahoo.com

I'm so sorry about everything that is going on with you and your son. I'm a social worker, and even I don't know right off hand what to do. I'd have to meet with your son, of course, to determine that fully. While reading this, I'm wondering if there's not some type of chemical imablance with your son. Have you taken him to a pediatric neurologist? Just a thought.

You don't mention if he is on medication--if he is--its proabblythe medicatrion making him worse...........

what kind of doctor are you goign to --maybe its time to get a 2nd opinion..

maybe soemthing else was just beginning at teh time he was diagnosed with ADHD--but it really isn't ADHD.

how long have you tried teh different methods--he may have learned that he can wear you down and youwill give up--you may need to stick to a techniique longer..


the school is NOt required to pay for an independent medical evaluation--they are only required to do EDUCATIONAL evaluatrions--soem times they will help if the evaluations available are ot sufficient...but it is not an absolute requiremnt

your child can be taken away by the court if they determine he is out on control--even if you are beign a good parent...


he shoudl have an IEP or 504 plan at school--some schools don't like to use IEP for ADHD--but it can be classified as Other Health Impaired----some districts don't like 504 plans because they don't get extra funding for it..

what people fail to understand--is that local people pay for it oen way or teh other-----federal funding only benefits poor districts---if something is funded by the feds--we pay more taxes to teh feds---if something is funded locally--we pay more local taxes--either way--we are paiying taxes

I'm sorry to hear about your son. I can relate - this type of behavior can tear a family apart; but at the same time its probably not your son's fault. We went through a similar situation with my daughter - although they say usually girls aren't diagnosed ADHD. We also tried all the charts, behavior mods, therapy - nothing worked. My daughter was also taking Foclaine - but the last straw was a breakdown she had kicking & screaming resulted in a huge hole put in the wall - by her. She was then prescribed Risperdal - which after further reading is used on some patients who are bipolar. Its now 2 years later - and we wouldnt change a thing... Yes I hate giving my child medication, but we are a happy family. We see the doctor regualarly (every 3 months), and she is on a 504 modification in school. Althought it isnt the same, we can always see the difference b4 the meds kick in, and @ the end of the day when they wear off. My daughter is a lovely young lady that just needed a little assistance. Your son will get there also. good luck

I see you didn't mention spanking. Lots of people don't think this is right, but what they are doing is not working.
The doctor can recommend foster care, but can not MAKE him do this. Only social workers can do this. I would leave this dr. immediately and go to another one. THis would probably hurt and not help at all.
Does he KNOW he has ADHD? Maybe he's this way because it's scaring him, making him mad, etc. Have you asked him WHY he's acting this way?
Maybe ask him how he feels about having ADHD.
Is he taking meds? Maybe the meds are making him be this way and they need to be changed? I have heard of this happening before.
Others here are recommending school to do testing. Lots of parenst don't understand this. The school does a full educational evaluation to determine if child qualifies for special ed. They do NOT do any other testing 'just to see' waht the childs problems are. they do NOT make diagnosis such as bipolar, adhd, etc.
Child will only qualify if the disability is interferring with his learning. It sounds like it is. ADHD is one of the 13 categories he can qualify under.
If the behaviors are happening BECAUSE of ADHD, they can NOT suspend him if he is in special ed.
If you need help email me sisymay@yahoo.com

Behaviors could be escalating because hormones are kicking in or because that's where he is in the continuum of whatever he is presenting.

You don't say how old he is - if he is getting any services in his school. Has the school evaluated him. Is he on meds or not on meds. If his meds should be changed or ?????? Sounds like you have tried a lot of different things - but for how long - sometimes it takes consistent and long term interventions.

If he is not seeing a neuropsych - or psychiatrist - that's who he should be seeing. Keep in mind that Mental Health issues like Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Bi polar, or Autsim and it's various spectrum items - can also exist with ADHD. Sounds to me like more than one thing cooking and if you don't have a school evaluation done already that would be a good place to start.

QUESTION FOR YOU: What medications have been blacklisted?
INFORMATION YOU NEED TO KNOW: A public school Special Educaion cannot do anything to 'help' a child, without a school evaluation. What you have done on the outside will help provide a starting place but they have to evaluate based on the students educational needs within the state criteria.

You are right - typically a school evaluation takes 30 school days so likely is not enough time. Write a letter to the school and ask to have your child evaluated for special education services - you want a comprehensive evaluation that will look at a variety of behaviors and functional levels with in a variety of categories including: Emotional Behavior Disorder, Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD (which typically is under Other Health)

I cannot believe they threatened foster care for behavioral disorders.this would make it worse.Is he seeing his pediatrician for meds,or a psychiatrist?it should be the latter,as they are more informed and educated in this area.as for the acting out AFTER his diagnosis,my 10 year old(diagnosed at 6)did the same thing.I think because we knew something was wrong by then,we noticed it more.And you described my son to a t.The adhd and odd seem to be the biggest factors with my child.He has also ben diagnosed with Aspergers,ptsd,ocd and a handful of others.I swear he has every acronym except for the FBI and CIA,which with his behavior,I feel he'll have them in about 10 years,lol.
You need to contact the sped department yourself if the school is putting it off.Contact the head of the dept. and tell them you want your child evaluated(core and IEP)and they need to respond within 10 days.Don't give up!Good luck!


Please try not to accept a 504 like I've seen mentioned.This is a piss off plan,where they do the least they have to.If you're confused by anything they waqnt to do,tell them to explain it.There are law services for children specifically for education,if you feel they aren't doing everything they can for your child.wrightslaw.com is a good site to look for these services.I live in Mass and needed to contact them for my child.And my son's school district HAD TO pay for and independent eval with a psychologist,but I also was referred to a psychiatrist by pediatrician as psychiatrists can diagnose and medicate.