Can someone explain something about bipolar disorder for me?

Let me just explain how I have felt for the past 3 years.

1. I started off with severe depression, like seriously i had lost all will to do ANYTHING. I was like this for a good 6-8 months and then I became rather normal for about a month and then right back into depression for another 4-5 months.

2. I told myself that I shouldn't be depressed and tried having fun, that fun became a pretty intense manic episode. That lasted for about 2 months and then it became a weird mixed episode where I was really confused, depressed and manic. That lead to another severe depression for about 2 months where all I did was drive around Boston everyday for a month, with no will to do anything else. I was just angry at EVERYONE but didn't do anything about it. I think I the depression came from the fact that I lost my voice for 3 months due to smoking (I quit) I sounded like an old man.

3. I became normal, actually pretty normal, for I would say 4 months.

4. Worst episode ever hit me, I was again manic and depressive at the same time, seriously I was going insane during this time. Also I became slightly paranoid about a few people thinking they were plotting against me.

5. Coming out of this mixed episode I visited a doctor that didn't tell me what the hell I had, just gave me Lamictal and Lithium, which didn't even help. I told him that lithium is hard to ingest because the pills are huge and the doctor laughed and made fun of me, BYE BYE YOU JERK.

6. For 4 months I became hypomanic, now this was the nice one, because I had very high productivity and was feeling really euphoric, excited and having fun.

7. Right after the hypomania I had a short burst of depresion for a good 2 weeks. Really I lost all will to live, and stopped doing everything.

7. This episode eventually became a very dysphoric and intenese manic episode which lasted till about August of this year when it became an anger mixed episode, I just wanted to hurt people, I was picking fights with everyone, I was destroying things, during this time all I thought about how horrible my life is and how I want to die. Seriously, I should have been hospitalized.

8. Around 2 weeks ago, I leveled off pretty good, and the first time in over a year and a half I felt normal.

9. This week I went to the doctor, and again this new doctor didn't explain what I could have, he just said "it definitely seems like bipolar disorder" and he gave me zoloft. I do understand though, he can't diagnose me this quick, and the doctor is a really nice and down to earth guy.

9. Before I started taking zoloft, I did start feeling hypomania creeping up on me again on Sunday, and it kinda did, now taking the medicine, I still feel hypomanic.

Now medicine aside, I can't for the life of me figure out what my diagnosis would be.

I know it is definitely bipolar disorder, but which kind?

Is this similar to Bipolar 1? or Bipolar 2? Or rapid cycling bipolar? or cyclothymia?

I have another appointment with the doctor in 2 weeks, and I will ask him, but I am kinda going crazy trying to figure out what this is because I want to do research on this.

Could this be something else from what I have decribed?

Mania is filled with euphoria at first then dysphoria afterwards, racing thoughts, increased sex drive, wanting to waste money on everything, talking very fast and sometimes very loud, irritated, angry, on the edge, etc. Eating a lot of none at all, less sleep. EXTREME boost of energy, and no concentration at all.

Depression is usually a lot of sleep, hyposomnia, eating a lot of none at all, wanting to die, but not suicidal, hatred towards everyone, no energy at all, laying in bed all day, Thinking about how hurt I am, and how everyone hates me, etc.

Mixed episodes for me are just like both combined, but less extremities, like my sex drive is not that high, and I sleep the least during this time, money aint really a problem, BUT the anger and rage is there. This is where I contemplate suicide a lot and the urge to hurt, make someone suffer by taking away something that makes them happy, or even kill someone is constantly running through my mind.

Everything you describe can be explained by Bipolar Disorder. I have Bipolar 1 though I have never been psychotic. I struggle with mixed states and rapid cycling and extreme mania. Rapid cycling technically is "4 distinct mood swings in a year", however you can cycle as fast as every few minutes, which is what I do. I go from depression to normal to hypomania to mania which then starts to rapid cycle and gets faster and faster until it becomes a mixed state. Very ugly indeed. there are even two different mixed states, agitated depression or dysthymic mania. Bipolar 1 and bipolar 2 are basically only a difference in intensity of the mania, mixed states or rapid cycling.

Zoloft is an antidepressant. Antidepressants alone do NOTHING for mania, in fact they can make mania worse or push you into a manic state. You need a mood stabilizer and something to combat the mania too. if you like this therapist then stick with it and when you find the meds that work stay on them!! Email me if you'd like to chat about it more.